You know that old thing about what to do when life serves you lemons? Well the lemonade was flowing on Sunday afternoon at San Diego State University’s Aztec Aquaplex. The Bird and I had traveled down the coast to take in the NCAA Women’s Water Polo Championship and were met with what the airlines like to call an “oversell situation” (and what I prefer to call an “undermanaged situation”). No worries though, as the alert event team made up an entire new section on the spot, which they called Standing Room Only – which translated on this day into the “hang out in your semi-private bleachers with the teams and the USC band” section. Which we were more than happy to do. Kudos to those that under-promised and over-delivered.

It occurred to me that this was the closest that I’ve ever sat to a band at a college sporting event, and I have to say that having them around was enjoyable. Most of the time bands to me are aural wallpaper – just a distant part of the overall din of a game. But seeing them work up close gave me a new respect for their talents and their sense of humor. They were in an awfully good mood throughout…maybe there really is something going on at Band Camp.

The cherry floating on top of the lemonade came in the form of sunshine and warmth when we arrived. Soon enough though, that party was over. It is after all, Marine Layer season – that thick cover of coastal fog and mist that goes by the name June Gloom or May Gray in these parts. I’m pretty sure it was the inspiration for the Black Smoke Monster in Lost. As the temperature plummeted, I wondered if anybody had already secured the licensing rights to the NCAA Water Polo Snuggie. But I digress.

Water polo takes on some of the characteristics from a number of different sports: basketball, hockey, soccer, lacrosse – and with all of the water treading, aquagymnastics (formerly known as synchronized swimming).

With regard to the latter, I was immediately reminded of what an impressive feat it is for an athlete to propel themselves explosively out of the water without being able to push off from the bottom of the pool. As we watched the Stanford and USC players warm up right in front of us, The Bird remarked that a water polo player who has launched herself out of the water in preparation to shoot the ball bears a strong similarity to an upright meerkat. I’ll let you be the judge of that. For my money, by far the most remarkable manifestation of that skill was what I called the “hide and seek” or “peek-a-boo” shot – which was pulled off for a score twice by USC. On the peek-a-boo shot (patent now pending) the player actually disappears under the water for a second or two and then all in one motion explodes into the air and fires the ball on goal with a vengeance. Kind of like Glenn Close coming out of the bathtub at the end of Fatal Attraction.

A water polo game moves very quickly, as they play eight-minute quarters of more or less running time. If that seems a bit short to you, you try treading water for that length of time, making sure to intersperse that activity with intervals of full-bore sprint swimming. And just to make sure nobody’s taking a breather, there is a 35-second clock used to speed up the game and increase scoring. Once they’ve gained possession of the ball, a team has 35 seconds in which to either shoot it on goal or toss it into a corner of the pool – thus allowing them to sprint-swim back on defense, while a few extra seconds are shaved off of the opponent’s next 35-second possession.

While this immediately made me think of basketball, the comparison isn’t a direct one, for there’s not much opportunity for fast breaks, thanks to offside rules similar to those of hockey or soccer, not to mention the fact that few players can swim that much faster than those guarding them. What did surprise me however is how few leading passes were used. Rarely did a player throw the ball to a spot and allow her teammate to use superior athleticism to get to the ball and make a play first. Most passing takes place around the perimeter and is apparently designed to catch the other team in a position whereby they don’t have their hands up in between the player with the ball and the goal. I also wondered why there was so little “cutting” across the middle – until I saw it done. On the few occasions that an attempt was made to feed the ball to a player who had stationed herself in front of the goal, the general area looked like someone had tossed a pork chop into a piranha tank with all of the splashing, thrashing and assorted uncharitable activity.

Which brings me to the subject of fouling. Since most of the fouling takes place under the water, it was difficult for fans – especially novice fans – to easily detect what was going on. But there apparently was a lot of pushing, kicking, holding, etc. because at times the refs were in danger of collapsing a lung with the whistle-blowing. Their odd assortment of whistle-blowing and grand gesturing as they patrolled the side of the pool reminded me of those hidden camera segments you occasionally see of cops directing traffic in busy intersections.

Play doesn’t stop when an “Ordinary Foul” (i.e. one that doesn’t involve a grand jury and some prison time) is called, so at first it just appears that the players are ignoring the refs. Occasionally though the refs have to make a substantive enough call that they require the ball to be tossed to them, which is no small feat, as any lifeguard can attest when they’re trying to get the attention of that last kid who still has to get out of the pool so that Adult Swim can commence.

It took the entire consolation game (won by Cal-Berkeley over tournament Cinderella Loyola Marymount) for me to get the hang of the rules and strategy, but by shortly after the beginning of the USC/Stanford title contest I had the basics down well enough to enjoy the game. And as a pleasant addition to the mix, I had developed a rooting interest for USC. Normally I don’t find myself favoring one team over another when I don’t even know the rules of the game I’m watching, but a fan sitting in our section was apparently one of those that auditioned for the part of the guy in the Staples commercials who continuously yells “WOW! THAT’S A LOW PRICE!”, much to the consternation of his fellow shoppers. He was obnoxiously in favor of Stanford, which pretty much caused all of us who were on the fence to become staunch USC supporters.

USC took a 6-3 lead into halftime, but Stanford had barely missed scoring on several shots, and could have easily been tied or ahead. I therefore officially declared the game a strong candidate for the lofty status of Barn-Burner (or Bahhn-Buhnah to The Bird). Which got me to thinking…can you have a Barn-Burner in water?

A second Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction goal right at the start of the fourth quarter gave USC an 8-5 lead, and they maintained a three-goal margin until nearly the end of the game when of course they started playing not to lose. Up 10-7 with 1:25 left, USC clearly had little intention of mounting an offensive attack. Which I could sort of understand, given that in water polo there’s very little chance of someone quickly tossing a shot in from long distance. And unlike basketball, you can’t force the other team to shoot foul shots in order to try and take back control of the clock. Net/net, it’s going to take some time for the trailing team to score, so if I’m up three with 1:25 left, I’m thinking “run out the clock on each of my possessions, and it’s almost mathematically impossible for Stanford to score quickly enough to tie”. In fact, excellent mathematicians that they are, Stanford very nearly did just that, cutting the lead to 10-9 with 45 seconds left – and then narrowly missing on a scoring opportunity at the final gun.

Everybody in the pool! And by everybody, I mean USC’s entire team and coaching staff, in kind of an inverse Gatorade shower celebration of their new national championship. Down in the SRO section, the Obnoxious Stanford Fan slunk back off to the local Staples store, the band played “Fight On” a couple of dozen times, and all was Pure Lemonade. Are sports great, or what?